


Needed Space

by Jld71



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Clueless Jared, Cuddling, Hurt Jensen, Kissing, M/M, Touch-Starved Jensen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-18
Updated: 2020-04-18
Packaged: 2021-03-02 01:47:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,550
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23717662
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jld71/pseuds/Jld71
Summary: Needing space from his clinging boyfriend, Jared pushes Jensen away.
Comments: 10
Kudos: 126





	Needed Space

**Author's Note:**

> Do Not Re-Post Without My Written Permission - Only To Be Posted On My AO3 Or LiveJournal Accounts.
> 
> Written for the prompt 2020 Masquerade Ball prompt: Jensen doesn't deal well with being alone (childhood trauma, maybe?). His new boyfriend Jared is a bit annoyed with Jensen's clinging, so Jensen tries hard to give him some space. He compensates for the lack of touch by wrapping himself in blankets and for the lack of conversation by talking to himself.
> 
> When Jared finds out the reason for Jensen's need to be close he's heartbroken and feels guilty for keeping Jensen away. He makes it up to Jensen with an extra dose of love and cuddles.
> 
> Can also have the Js switched around. 
> 
> Beta: firesign10

As soon as Jared walked through the door of their home, Jensen was in his arms. Slowly, he brought his arms up to encompass Jensen in a slight hug and it felt as if Jensen was trying to burrow into him. “Hey,” Jared breathed out and kissed the side of Jensen’s face before pulling away. 

“Hey, so glad you’re home. I missed you,” Jensen confided as he pressed up against Jared again, wanting to be in Jared’s arms. He hated being alone, but knew Jared had to work, they both did. It just didn’t make it easy to deal with the overwhelming loneliness he dealt with. Had dealt with his entire life. 

Jared gave Jensen a tight smile as he pulled away again, needing his personal space. Every day was like this, Jensen wanting to be in his arms, clinging to him. He didn’t know why his boyfriend was like this, but it was beginning to wear on him. Whether they were sitting on the couch or lying in bed, Jensen wanted to be in his arms. Even when they were out shopping or at a bar, Jensen preferred to be pressed up close to him with at least one of his arms wrapped around Jensen’s shoulder or his waist. There was only so much closeness a man could take. And then there were the endless conversations. It was like Jensen needed to fill the silence between them even when there wasn’t a need for words.

Sensing how tense Jared was becoming, Jensen didn’t stop him when Jared moved away. He forced himself not to close the distance that was growing between them. Turning his green eyes on Jared, Jensen offered him a smile. “Is there something wrong?”

Jared’s hazel eyes met Jensen’s green orbs before dropping his eyes to the floor. He raised his hand and rubbed at the back of his head as he tried to find the right words to tell Jensen he needed some space from him. He needed to not always have Jensen in his arms or pressed up against him. He needed Jensen to understand they were two separate beings. And that on occasion, he needed some blessed silence. “Um, no. I mean . . . Okay, here’s the thing, I’m a hugger, but there are times when I need my space. You’re like always wanting to be in my arms. And then it’s like you hate silence. I mean you’re not loud, but sometimes silence is golden.” As he raised his eyes to look at Jensen, he saw the hurt on Jensen’s face before it vanished, replaced by a smile that didn’t reach his eyes. “I’m not saying we can’t hug, or talk, just I need some space and maybe a little less conversation from time to time.” He shoved his hands in his pockets and rocked back and forth on the balls of his feet as he waited for Jensen’s response.

“Oh, yeah . . .” Jensen whispered with a nod of his head, feeling his heart sink into his stomach. “Sorry, I’ll . . . I’ll give you your space and some peace and quiet.” With that, Jensen turned and retreated to their bedroom, where he kept a weighted blanket hidden in the back of their closet. He hadn’t felt the need to use it since being with Jared, but now, with trying to give Jared the space he so desperately needed, Jensen felt the overwhelming need for it. Pulling it out, he wrapped it around his shoulders, feeling the weight of the blanket settle against his body, giving him the comfort he needed. He would just have to get used to using the blanket again instead of feeling Jared’s warm and comforting body next to him, or the feeling of Jared’s arms wrapped around him. It would be hard not to seek out a hug from Jared, but he’d will himself to curtail that desire to make Jared happy. He’d have to make sure he didn’t talk endlessly when Jared was in need of silence. He would do anything not to lose Jared, even if that meant less physical contact or conversation with him. “I can do this. It won’t be so bad. Right? Right,” he assured himself as he spoke quietly to the empty room. He had survived this long and he’d get through this as well. He took several deep breaths before turning and walking out of their bedroom to join Jared in the living room. “I can do this. I can do this. I can do this,” he whispered as he went to sit on the couch. He had to stop himself from plopping down right next to Jared as he usually did, and instead sat on the opposite side away from Jared, pressed up against the arm of the couch with the weighted blanket wrapped around his body. He turned to look at Jared, ready to ask him how his day was, but Jared’s words replaying in his mind quickly stopped him. He turned away from Jared to focus his attention back to the TV, biting his bottom lip to keep himself from speaking needlessly.

Jared eyed Jensen as he walked into the living room, wondering if Jensen would give him the space he needed. His brows furrowed at seeing Jensen wrapped in a blanket, but he remained silent. He opened his mouth to protest when Jensen moved to sit next to him, but quickly snapped his mouth shut when Jensen moved to sit at the opposite end of the couch. At least Jensen wasn’t sitting on top of him, he thought as he turned back to watch the show they had recorded. Slowly his attention was drawn back to Jensen when he noticed Jensen was whispering to himself. He let out a soft sigh and turned back to try to watch the show. 

Jared noticed a sadness about Jensen a week later. Jensen still sought out a hug from him when he first came home, and he was happy to give him that, but instead of melting into his arms like he normally did, Jensen remained stiff, like he was waiting for Jared to push him away. After their initial hug, Jensen wrapped himself in the blanket that had mysteriously appeared the night of their ‘talk’. Jared had since discovered it was a weighted blanket, but didn’t question Jensen about it. Jensen was wrapped in it all the time now, even when they were in bed. It was like Jensen was clinging to the blanket the way Jensen had clung to him. And then there was the other change in Jensen - he whispered to himself all the time when he thought he was alone. When Jared walked in on Jensen, he had caught bits of what he was whispering, ‘I can do this, don’t make too much noise’, before Jensen noticed him and quickly went silent. He didn’t question Jensen. How could he, when he had been the one to ask Jensen for space and quiet? So, he did the next best thing, he called a mutual friend of theirs, one that had known Jensen since childhood.

“Hey, Jared!” Christian called out as Jared joined him at the bar they had agreed to meet at. 

“Hey, Christian, thanks for meeting me,” Jared replied, as he slid into the booth opposite Christian. He waited for the waitress to return with the beer he had ordered before getting to the reason behind their get-together. He picked at the label on his beer bottle as he tried to approach the subject.

Seeing that something was bothering Jared, Christian clinked their bottles together to get his attention. “Spit it out, Padalecki,” Christian teased with a twinkle in his eyes.

Raising his eyes to meet Christian’s, he gave him a tight smile. “I need to talk to you about Jensen,” he blurted out and then watched as the smile slipped from his friend’s face.

Christian narrowed his blues eyes at Jared. He didn’t like where this was going. He sat up, his back ramrod straight against the back of the booth. “What do you mean you need to talk to me about Jensen?” His voice was steely as he spoke. “Look, if you came to me to seek advice on the best way to break up with him . . .”

Jared’s eyes widened in response to Christian’s words. “What? No! I don’t want to break up with him. I want to understand him more.”

Christian crossed his arms over his chest, remaining silent, waiting to hear where Jared went with this. 

Jared swallowed visibly under Christian’s hard stare. “Jensen’s a great guy. He’s just, how do I put it? He’s clingy. He always wants to be in my arms and he doesn’t seem to be a fan of silence. I asked him for some space and quiet, and now he’s got himself wrapped in this weighted blanket I didn’t even know he had, and he whispers to himself a lot. It’s just a little odd.”

Christian picked up his beer, and took a long pull from it before speaking to Jared. “Jensen’s past is complicated,” he finally confided. “Look, I’m only telling you this because I think the two of you have a future together. He doesn’t talk about his childhood because it wasn’t a pleasant one. His mom passed away when he was just a baby. His dad wasn’t really the touchy-feely kind of guy. I don’t think the man ever hugged him, not once, and he demanded constant silence. He was of the opinion that children should be seen, not heard. Not even when we were just hanging out at my house did Jensen speak above a whisper.” He drained his beer and then fiddled with the bottle in his hands. 

“The one time I saw Jensen seek out a hug from his dad . . .” Christian let out a deep breath, “The man sidestepped him. I can still remember that look of hurt on Jensen’s face, like his dad had actually slapped him, but he never cried and his dad never laid a hand on him. His dad just said to him in a low voice that he needed to remember his place, that physical contact wasn’t allowed. Jensen was fifteen. Imagine going your entire childhood without getting a single comforting touch when you desperately needed one.”

Christian leveled a pointed look at Jared before continuing. “After that, seeing how his dad couldn’t even hug him, I’d sling my arm over him.” Christian gave a shrug of his shoulders, “You know, just so he knew he had someone. The blanket was a gift from my mom and me. It was something he could wrap himself in so he felt like he was being hugged when he needed to be comforted. He has a hard time with silence because he wasn’t allowed to speak. They didn’t have a TV or a radio in the house, his dad wouldn’t allow them to. Imagine what it was like to have your home filled with nothing; no sound, no music, no laughter. The only time you were saved from the nothing was when you went to school or the few hours you spent at a friend’s house. When Jensen gets agitated, he feels the need to fill the silence.” 

“Oh, God,” Jared murmured as his heart sank to his feet. He ran his fingers through his hair as his mind wrapped itself around what Christian had just hit him with. “Touch starved. And I only made it worse by asking for him to give me my space and some peace and quiet.” He looked at Christian, catching his eye. “Why didn’t he just tell me? I would have understood. I would have given . . .”

“Look, it’s not easy for him to talk about it. He deals with it the best way he can. The question is, how are you gonna deal with it?” 

“I gotta go,” Jared said as he slid out of the booth. He started to reach into his pocket to pull out his wallet and heard Christian telling him the drink was on him. With a nod of his head, he turned and left the bar to make his way home to Jensen as quickly as he could. 

Pushing open the door to their home, Jared found the house encased in darkness and silence. He squeezed his eyes closed and pinched the bridge of his nose. Forcing his eyes open, he closed the door. “Jensen,” he called out and cocked his head to the side, listening for Jensen’s response. He heard soft shuffling and held up a hand, shielding his eyes from the light Jensen had flicked on in the living room. When his eyes had adjusted to the light, he lowered his hand and offered a warm smile to Jensen as he stood in the hallway. His breath caught in his throat when he noticed that Jensen was wrapped in the weighted blanket. “Hey,” he breathed out as he closed the distance between them. Bringing his hands up to Jensen’s shoulders, he pushed the blanket off him, letting it fall to the floor with a thud. “You don’t need that. Not any more.” Without another word, he pulled Jensen into his arms, and kissed him. Jared broke their contact only long enough to grab Jensen by the wrist and pull him along into their bedroom and down onto their bed. 

Jensen shivered at Jared’s touch, having missed being in his arms. Then he stiffened as he remembered Jared’s words and tried to pull away to give Jared the space he needed. He started whispering, “It’s okay. Space, give Jared space.” He struggled to get up with the thought of getting his blanket and stopped when Jared pulled him back down. 

Confused by Jensen’s attempt at getting up, Jared asked, “Where are you going?”

“Gonna . . . gonna get my blanket. Give you your space,” Jensen whispered, trying to abide by Jared’s request for peace and quiet as well. 

Wrapping his arms around Jensen, Jared nuzzled at the back of his neck. “Told you, you don’t need that, not any more. I’m sorry I pushed you away, it won’t happen again. I didn’t understand, and I wished you had talked to me, told me about your father.” He felt Jensen stiffen in his arms again, and he tightened his arms, pulling Jensen to him so there was no space between them. “I spoke to Christian, he filled me in.” He heard the soft hitch of Jensen’s breath and kissed the back of his neck. “I was worried about you and he only told me because he thinks we have a future together. So do I. I’m hoping you do as well.” He felt Jensen nod his head and heard Jensen whisper, ‘Yes’, before he continued. “I don’t want to lose you over something I didn’t understand. Just next time, talk to me, okay?”

“Okay,” Jensen breathed out as he allowed himself to relax into Jared’s arms. He hummed in contentment, basking in the love Jared was freely offering him. 

“I love you,” Jared whispered into Jensen’s ear and then kissed the spot just below Jensen’s earlobe.

“Love you, too,” Jensen confirmed as he wrapped his arms over Jared’s. He let his eyes slip closed as he listened to Jared’s breathing, lulling him to sleep. 


End file.
